And it was packed. Big crowds, shopping galore. It was so crowded it was like those population explosion movies they showed us as kids — in the future there’ll be two people for each cubic yard.

Every store had customers. Even a store named Rockstar, that sells junk that looks like it was made by blind and deaf people in China (not that there’s anything wrong with blind and deaf people in China) had plenty of spenders.

In the food court, the Texas Bar B-Q Factory was serving up big slabs of beef to shoppers who needed sustenance before hitting the hot ‘n’ dusty spending trail. “Round ‘em up, boys! And lasso that runaway Visa card!”

Fearlessly, I took a deep breath and plunged into the maelstrom, knowing the perfect gewgaw was just moments from my grasp…